There’s nothing like having your sweet 7-year-old son singing his Christmas service to you (just because he wants to) as a distraction from the fact that you’re STILL waiting for Baby to come.
Ugh–pregnancy hormones are a trip (a tumultuous one)! Saturday was my due date, and I could hardly talk past the big lump in my throat. Everything made me want to cry that he hadn’t come yet. I tried taking a long walk (not to start labor, but to clear my head), but it still took a few good cries that day to “feel better”. Or something.
Sunday was a little bit better. We went to early church and then Sunday School/Bible Class. Everything started going numb so I decided to leave Bible Class a bit early. I walked home, curled up on the couch, and took a little nap. It was BEAUTIFUL weather, so I tried taking my big walk again that afternoon but ended up calling for a ride halfway through. I was just getting slower and slower, and more and more sore.
Yesterday was an ambitious day, comparatively (despite a completely unrestful night before). I decided to finally get at some projects that are ever-so-relevant to having a new baby (NOT!), like steam cleaning the basement family/play room floor and steps. People and their random ideas about “how-to start labor” got to my head…and I figured it couldn’t hurt. When the kitchen got demolished, dust flooded EVERYWHERE, and I’ve been meaning to clean that carpet for months. I didn’t do the whole floor, but I got more than half of it done. The steps look better, but not like new.
Today was a less productive day. The nights are just SO long and painful, so after getting a good soak in the tub (while listening to Bible audio from Bible Gateway), I felt less sore, but sleepy. Here and there today I’ve accomplished some more (minor) random projects, like throwing out a bag of bath toys nobody has paid attention to in forever (and had gotten very nasty), while also cleaning the ones that could be salvaged.
I’m trying to keep on top of the laundry to the extreme–so my bins are nearly empty (which means they’ll be overflowing by the time I’m back from the hospital, but such is life).
It gets to the point where you just feel like an utter failure at the one thing that matters. How hard is it to just go into labor? Why can’t I even do that? Everyone tries to be nice, but they’re all excited about you having the baby, and so they’re disappointed every time they see you and your (still) gigantic belly. OK, I know I’m being dramatic here, but such are the crazy roller coaster-like twists and turns these hormones are taking overdue old me on these days. Besides, I’m letting myself down. I’m not sure I even want to try to go to bed tonight. My hips and ribs just can’t take it!
I keep crying out to the Lord in my thoughts and prayers. I’m still asking Him to help me to trust in His good plans and perfect timing, but I’m begging Him to let TODAY be the day–let the time be now. Maybe it’ll be tonight, but for sure this weekend (as my dr. would induce me). I’m hoping that he comes on his own beforehand, because I really want to be at Little One’s special service on Sunday. I feel like I’ve missed so many of the kids special services in the past year due to someone being hospitalized or sick. But, it would be a valid reason to miss, I know.
At any rate, he is lodged so hard in my right rib right now and I just can’t keep typing any longer–I have to rub it out. So goodbye for now, and hopefully I will have some happy news to report sooner than later this week!